About Me, Life and The Struggles within....

I feel like this life is a never ending battle. Sometimes in the darker times, I just wanna quit it.

Tahun-tahun sesudah menyelesaikan s2 bukanlah tahun yang mudah.
Tepat ketika aku berpikir perjuangan menemui akhirnya, terbitlah perjuangan lain.
Yang dua kali lebih berat, dua kali memeras keringat, dan dua kali menguras emosi.
I think I will never graduate this life and the dramas included.

2013--tamat s2.
Resmi menjadi pengangguran dengan titel dobel. Malunya juga dobel.
Hari-hari terlalui dengan merasa tiada berguna.
Hingga akhirnya bertemu Inal dan dibukakan jalan untuk punya usaha.
I was like all theories and zero experienced. More than grateful to have Inal by my side.
He's like a tongue for my scattered ideas. Inal menerjemahkan keinginanku dan menjadikannya desain warung.

Akhir 2013--punya warung
Jadilah owner sebuah warung yang prospeknya entah ada entah tiada.
Penjualan turun naik (beneran ini turun dulu), pegawai keluar masuk, emosi naik terus (soalnya ada ada aja permasalahan).
Dua tahun membangun usaha benar-benar memberikan perspektif baru dan kedewasaan emosi. At least lebih dewasa (dikit) daripada ketika mulai warung dulu.

Awal 2015--umroh
Doanya cuma tiga, dan saat ini sudah dipenuhi dua.

Akhir 2015--diterima jadi dosen
seumur-umur ga pernah ngantor, dan sekarang harus tiap hari ngantor, jadi culture shock yang lumayan buatku.
Orang mungkin bakal bilang aku lebai, tapi aku butuh satu semester untuk terbiasa dengan situasi dan penghuni kantor.
Mengalami segala penyakit karena stres, mulai dari rambut rontok tanpa sebab hingga maag dan muntah muntah.
Sekarang sudah mendingan dan jauh berkurang, karena sudah bisa mengelola stress...yah lumayan lah.

2016-sekarang
Malang sudah majuuuu sekali.
Hampir tiap minggu ada tempat makan baru.
Otomatis, penurunan penjualan di warung terjadi, padahal sudah ada si Livinceu yang tiap bulan menanti cicilan.
At this point, I tasted how it feels to be an adult.
Like you witness your life crumbling over your eyes and you have to maintain your sense. You cant let the emotion take over cause it will damage more and fix nothing.

I have some financial situations, there I say it.
It is hard to accept that situations, but after a year struggled with it, I know that acceptance is part of solution.
Just like I said before, life is never ending battle.
It is beyond good to have loyal persons who standing next to you and grab the hands and said: you cant face this alone. Let face it together.

Being A Boss: Always Guilty!

Let me introduce you to: Being a Boss and you will always guilty.
No matter how good you try, people will still pointing a finger and tell you wrong.

Jadi bos itu artinya...
Bangun lebih awal dan istirahat lebih akhir.
Kenyataannya malah jarang sih istirahat, paling-paling badannya aja yang tidur, pikirannya enggak.

Jadi bos itu artinya...
Apapun yang kamu lakukan, katakan, dan kerjakan bakal ditiru sama anak buahmu.
Jadi baik-baiklah jaga imej.
Aku? Yah imejnya udah bos galak, mau diganti jadi bos princes cinderella juga ya ga bisa.

Jadi bos itu artinya...
Bakalan melakukan apapun asal anak buahnya selamat dan sejahtera.

Akhir-akhir ini, warung lagi sepi.
Karena mahasiswa banyak yang liburan dan mungkin emang bisnis lagi sepi aja.
Setiap hari aku harus menenangkan pikiran bahwa rejeki yang datang akan dicukupkan oleh Allah.
Dicukupkan untuk membayar kewajiban dan cicilan ini itu.
And thats not easy man.

Setiap hari harus khawatir dan bahan-bahan tambah lama tambah mahal.. (1peti telur harganya sekarang 200rb dari biasanya 150rban)
Setiap hari harus memastikan bahwa uang diputar dengan tepat, jadi pas waktu gajian sudah ada uang yang cukup untuk bayar.
Setiap hari harus memastikan pegawai mendapat hak dan fasilitas yang terjamin, jangan sampai kerjaan kebanyakan dan mereka sakit.
Belum lagi sekarang sudah tambah kerjaan ngajar di kampus yang tugasnya segunung..
Aku benar-benar jungkir balik untuk membuat semuanya baik-baik saja, sepanjang kekuatanku mengijinkan.

Kalo misalnya aku sendiri ga kuat dan tegar menghadapi tantangan warung, bagaimana aku bisa minta pegawaiku kuat?
Yah walaupun kadang kalo malem suka curhat sampai nangis dan cuma diketawain Inal,
But yeah, I'm fighting. Every fuckin single day. Aku masih jauh dari bos yang baik, penuh suri tauladan, tapi, aku belajar dan berusaha setiap hari.


It is okay not to be okay.
And this fight will be just fine.
I'm gonna be fine.
I wish.

#AthyaPertamaKali : Juice Detox

Seperti blogku yang lama (yang di-take over itu), aku suka nulis-nulis pengalamanku pertama melakukan ini itu.
Because there's always the first time for everything, aight?

Kali ini #AthyaPertamaKali: Juice Detox.
Sebagai ilustrasi, aku punya masalah berat badan. Ga gendut-gendut amat sih, sebenarnya menurut BMI masih termasuk ideal. Cuma karena badan berbentuk buah pear, persebaran lemaknya ga merata. Baca: numpuk di perut. Gengges abis, pastinya. Belum lagi kalo lagi sibuk atau sok sibuk, suka males minum air putih dan makan serat. Alhasil pup jarang banget bisa setiap hari. Dua hari sekali aja udah beruntung, seringnya tiga hari malah. Jangan ditiru yesss..

Sembelit leads to ambeien, which is running in my family. Everybody has this one particular annoying disease! Hahahah.
Belum lagi jerawat muncul di mana-mana. Sebagian karena kurang makan serat, sebagian mikirin cicilan mobil, sebagian lagi mikirin pegawai warung yang ada-ada aja tingkahnya.

Kebetulan punya teman yang eksis sekali dengan kampanye clean eating, rutin makan buah, dan pentingnya serat, plus katering diet mayo.

Si Sheila--yang punya smoothieskitchen ini--temen deket banget. Dikasih diskon pula hahaha makasih mamii..
Jadi tiap hari aku minum 6 botol smoothies: 2 botol tiap jam makan. Boleh makan seperti biasa, tapi ga boleh gorengan sama banyak cemilan. Masih agak agak curang sih kemarin, colong-colong makan kerupuk. Tapi pas makan sayur bayam atau pecel dibanyak banyakin sayurnnya biar rasa bersalahnya berkurang, hihi.

Hari pertama, catatan rasa-rasa jusnya jatuh, jadi gatau masing-masing warna itu rasanya apa. Justru karena gatau rasanya apa, walaupun ada yang ga terlalu suka, langsung glek glek. Sehat dulu. Kurus dan jerawat hilang mah bonus kalo kata Sheila. ternyata besokannya baru dikasih tau kalo:
Ungu >> beetroot, wortel, apel (anti kanker)
Kuning >> nanas, jahe, jeruk (super vitamin c, my favorite)
Hijau >> seledri, green leaf, nanas (ternyata seledri enak dijus, my fave too!)
Semua jus dan smoothiesnya asli buah dan sayurnya. Organik diambil dari petani lokal, dan ga pakai tambahan gula.

Minum sehari belum ketauan khasiatnya, cuma pas masuk hari kedua udah bisa keliatan hasilnya.
Yang paling enak adalah pup ga sakit lagi, lancar, dan badan jadi enteng. Jerawat mulai berkurang dan tinggal bekasnya aja.
Hari terakhir, mulai ga rela berpisah sama jus. Takutnya kalo langsung cuss makan ga karuan, semua keluhannya balik-balik lagi.

Dulu aku pikir orang yang minum smoothies teh gegayaan aja, ga percaya sama hasilnya.
Atau ga smoothies itu cuma lucu lucuan pinterest aja, hahahah..
Ternyata pas dibuktikan sendiri bisa langsung keliatan hasilnya.
Yah daripada duit hasil kerja dijajanin ini itu yang mepet mepet junkfood, bolehlah disisihkan 50rb buat beli tiga botol jus.

Kamu punya masalah yang sama? Atau mau kurus dengan diet mayo biar kebaya akad nikahnya cukup?
Kontak mami sheila sekarang juga atau bisa juga cek cek ig @smoothieskitchen yaa..
#bukanpostingansponsor #beneranadamanfaatnya

About Bullying

Well, I dont speak about this matter so much.
This was happened at my junior high and still hurts yet reminds until now.

[Pardon I'm using english while talk about this. My not so good habit is blabbering in english whenever i'm emotional]

---

When I was in junior high, in my puberty, i didn't have my current appearance.
Acnes everywhere.. Black skin.. Curly, wavy, big hair and don't know to calm it down.
I was fat due to puberty back then. Yeah, in short i was so ugly and i dont really give a fuck.

At first, no one give a damn as well.
I had a bunch of good friends, laughed together and talked about boys.

Until a boy came and spotted me as a weak object.
He had black skin (even darker), curly hair (like me) and started to nicknamed me as 'asmat'.
I was not close to him, not even talked before. I dont know why he picked me, maybe because i was stand out and as a girl, im weak.

The nickname is just came out from his mouth, at first I thought, he was acting funny and by acting funny he hoped to make some friends. He doesnt care even if he just hurt a girl and her confidence for a lifetime. Yes, my self esteem is never be the same again :)

I endured the nickname because i thought that was the only way.
Soon, the whole class followed his lead. somehow he was at the upper class and im the lower ones. He had plenty friends yet i made few.

I endured the nickname because i thought that was the only way.
I began to think that being ugly is my fault.
I began to think that being weak object is my fault.
I began to think that all these things happened is because of me.
I began to think that my parents choose a wrong name since they named me 'Putri'
and i ended up called as asmat.

I remember clearly one of my best friend said:
"aku ga suka dia itu panggil panggil kamu asmat. kamu kan ga kenapa napa? emangnya kalo kamu asmat, dia suku apa? dia kan semakin suku ga jelas. dia lho item jelek banget gitu!"

I just laughed.
I knew that time, at life, there's some urgency to marked a weaker person than you before you become the target. Even the weaker person is not as weak as you think before.
And that exactly what he did to me.

I might laughed and enjoyed my junior high, but these kinds way of thinking is just grown inside me.
Up to now,
Every time i failed a relationship or a goal, the first to be blame is me.
It is hard for me to have a good and stable self esteem because of these. It is a cause for me of having a trust issue towards anyone. I'm not easy to open up even to my boyfriend, i need a longer time to courageously pouring out my feelings.

I had several achievements now.
I'm an owner of a garage cafe with two digit monthly sales.
I have six employees, bought a car for my mom, and having a master degree in marketing management.
Still, at some point in my life, i'm still that girl in junior high.

So please, parents.
Pass my messages to your children. Bullying is never cool.
Girls are not weak.
They need to be respected, cared, and no one had rights to be superior than others.

For anyone who is under bullying, trust me.
It is never about you. It is not your fault.
It is always about them. They are waaaaay weaker than you, so they need anyone to be blame over.

You asked about that boy?
I'm not as hurt as at junior high, and i dont have a grudge towards him.
This post is not about revenge.
I just wanna write what i've faced years ago, and let it go. (not with elsa)
Well, last updates from a classmates, no, he doesnt have couple achievements like i do.
I dont know about karma or such, but, i hope things will get better for him.
And the rest of us.

Night :)
ath.

Old Place, New Story

Hi all :) This is such a aged blog of mine, which I decided to bring it alive because my another blog is being taken over. And also to help calming down my loud and busy mind, I want to try write it down. At some point it gives me headache and endless acne break out, maybe pour it out make me feel better (and my skin too, i'm tired of it). These couple years, I've taken down numbers of obstacles which I never knew I'm able to, and I really grateful of it. Myself has proven that she is stronger than I ever think before. Standing here and look back, whoa. I really survive. I don't know if other people experienced such a confusing path of life, choosing your future and how you stick with your decision even if world seems burned down. At that phase, I would rather silent and loud in my mind and tell no one. Later I learn, this can lead to depression. Thank God I have good family and friends that helped me some way, but still I took a great part to help myself. Yes, because no one will saved you except yourself, even your loved ones. Will continue this alter on, now I must baking cakes! Ciao <3